Mysterious Ways

If you were god how would you communicate to your believers? Would you speak from the heavens in a boomy voice, offering unambiguous proof of both your existence and your wishes or would you do this?

Without the benefit of omnipotence (isn't that what Ciallis is for?) it's tough to say exactly what I would do. What I wouldn't do is make my believers look like crazy people. Appearing in common food products, wet cement and tree stumps makes both the faithful and the deity seem desperate for attention. It's not good for the brand image.

If it's not too presumptuous I'd like to offer God some advice.

1. Stay away from appearances in greasy food like grilled cheeses, French fries and potato chips. We'll accept a god that destroys his creations on a whim but we will not accept a god that makes us fat.
2. If you do insist on appearing in something edible make it a Red Bull and Vodka. You'll tap into the all important youth market. The fact that combining Red Bull and Alcohol is potentially deadly will only make you seem cooler. When the kids sing "our god is an awesome god" they'll really mean it, in that frat boy kind of way.
3. Don't be a stranger. Your appearances via whichever prophet is actually speaking on your behalf are great and all, but you could make a real splash by appearing yourself. If you're uncomfortable showing up in the white robes and sandals I totally understand. Try this, appear before all of humanity as a invisible pink Unicorn. It's an image so original and outlandish that everyone will instantly know you're the one true god and you've got great taste in fashion.
4. Disregard #3. Apparently someone's already beaten you to the whole invisible pink unicorn thing.

Maybe showing up in a slice of pizza at Sbarro isn't such a bad idea.