Thursday, October 18, 2007

From autopilot to afterburners

Hey Colbertocrats,

Libertastic here. For those of you who buy into "the man's" concept of time you'll notice that I haven't posted in about ten months. What could possibly awaken me from my slumber?


Yes, its true. Stephen Colbert is finally running for President of these United States and all it took was a scant year and a half of begging by me and my fellow Colbertocrats to make it happen.

While this is obviously great news I'm concerned that some of the forward-thinking Americans who previously supported the petition urging Stephen Colbert to run for President are dismissing it as a useless relic from the dark era prior to Stephen's heroic Presidential run.

In one way they're right. With Stephen running for President we should be able to kick up our collective feet, sip a Mojito and relish our victory. But in another more important way, they're idiots.

If you're trying to hammer a nail into something you don't just bang it once and then walk away. You keep banging it until the job is done. Stephen is the nail and we are the hammer. It's our job to keep banging away at Stephen until he is firmly lodged into the drywall that is the white house. And once he's President we can hang the pretty picture of........uh......let's say Tort reform on him. I haven't worked out the analogy completely but you get the idea.

Thankfully, while some Colbertocrats are abandoning their posts many others are stepping up. As of this posting more than 3600 people have signed the petition urging Stephen Colbert to run for President. For perspective, that's about one signature for every person who signed the petition urging Stephen Colbert to run for President . Impressive, huh?

When I started the Colbertocrat movement in June of 2006 a lot of people thought I was nutso. Not unlike a cat with some sort of fruit rind on its head. But like the cat with the fruit rind on its head I too faced down adversity with steely eyed determination.

My name is Libertastic and I am a proud Colbertocrat. My work isn't done and neither is yours. Will you join me?

Col-brains, Col-balls
Colbert 08!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

White Christmas Album

I recently took time away from producing Hudson and Gaines, the world's best podcast, to participate in a challenge from Stephen Colbert. Stephen asked his viewers to create mash-ups of Beatles and Christmas songs.

A surprising number of people participated. Some submissions were good, some were really bad, a few were truly great. Follow this link to hear what they sound like.

Unfortunately, when my submission was added the audio was slowed for some reason. So, to hear my work as I intended go to the Micah Muzio's Death Race myspace page. MMDR is actually a fake band from the fictional world of Hudson and Gaines......... it's complex. Just give a listen and let me know what you think.

Monday, December 04, 2006


You've likely noticed a precipitous drop off in posts here at the Colbertocrat Blog. It's for good reason, I'm now producing and appearing in a podcast. Between writing the music, producing the commercial, manning the RSS feed generator and actively tamping down my ever swelling ego I simply don't have time to keep this blog fresh.

If you enjoyed the Colbertocrat Blog, take heart, I've redirected all of my creative energy into this new project and it shows. The podcast is called Hudson and Gaines and it is, by a large margin, the best project I've ever been a part of. Seriously!

It is a talk show based in the fictional town of Great Haven. I could give you some mishmash description sighting Christopher Guest movies or Firesign Theater as inspiration but I'd rather you just listen. Here's the link . As always, you can contact me with questions, comments or hate mail.

This isn't the end of the Colbertocrat Blog, there will be more someday. But for now, Hudson and Gaines needs me and you need Hudson and Gaines. By extension that means you need me and I won't let you down.


Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Ugly Bond

Has anyone seen the billboards for the new James Bond movie? If so you've probably wondered who the janitor in the tuxedo is and when MGM was going to reveal the new replacement for Pierce Brosnan. I have bad news, that ugly guy is Daniel Craig and he IS the new James Bond. I'm having a difficult time thinking of a less attractive actor to play the role.

Maybe this guy.

I think if the studio wants to go with an ugly bond they should go all the way and hire Danny DeVito. He's brash, he's ballsy and the movie's tag line writes itself. "Big action comes in small packages!"

Good luck new Bond. Unless ugly is the new sexy it'll take a minor miracle for you to pull off that whole "ladies man" thing.

Friday, September 29, 2006


There have been so many cool guys with the last name Foley.

1. Axle
2. Mick
3. Dave

The Foley's had a good thing going and then this douche bag came along and ruined things for them. His name is Mark Foley. He was a representative from the state of Florida until today when transcripts of several instant message exchanges between him and underage children appeared on the news wire. As you might guess they were highly sexual in nature.

Soliciting sex from minors is bad and the law will deal with him accordingly but who will seek justice for the non-perverted Foley's? Their ultra cool persona's have been soiled by the lame IMs of a congressman.

Example 1. (Maf54 is Mark Foley)

Maf54: Do I make you a little horny?
Teen: A little.
Maf54: Cool.

Seriously, what self respecting Foley would respond with "cool" when they only made the teen on the other end of the Internet a little horny. Remember this about Libertastic, if I ever went out on a date with you and said you made me "a little horny" I was tactfully telling you that you were repulsive.

Example 2.

Xxxxxxxxx (7:37:52 PM): i didnt no waltzing could make you sore
Maf54 (7:38:04 PM): from what
Xxxxxxxxx (7:38:34 PM): what do you mean from what
Xxxxxxxxx (7:38:42 PM): from sore from waltzing

Uhhh. Even with the 3rd grade English I could tell the teen was sore from waltzing. I certainly hope Foley was on drugs in this portion of the transcript. Other wise he really comes off as a dumb ass.

Example 3.

Maf54 (8:03:47 PM): what you wearing
Xxxxxxxxx (8:04:09 PM): tshirt and shorts
Maf54 (8:04:58 PM): love to slip them off of you
Xxxxxxxxx (8:05:08 PM): haha
Maf54 (8:05:53 PM): and gram the one eyed snake
Maf54 (8:06:13 PM): grab
Xxxxxxxxx (8:06:53 PM): not tonight...dont get to excited
Maf54 (8:07:12 PM): well your hard

Shocking. Just look at the terrible grammar. Honestly, using "your" instead of the proper "you're". What is this the stone age. And another th...........oh MY GOD !! Was he chatting with a dude? Look, I embrace and accept all types of lifestyles, for some reason him hitting on boys makes this whole scenario 10 times creepier.

That's it, the Foley name is no longer cool. The blow may be lessened because the Foley's above peaked in the 80's or 90's but it's still a tragedy. As a service to the Foley's I'd like to volunteer Libertastic as a replacement for their last name. Actually, Axl Libertastic sounds pretty sweet. Maybe some good can come out of this situation after all. Thanks representative Mark Foley! Ya perv.

Thursday, September 28, 2006


Nelson. The name brings to mind two things.

1st. Nelson Muntz. The animated character responsible for making "ha, ha" an appropriate reaction when your friend gets hit in the nuts.

2nd. Nelson, the band led by two wussy guys with long blond hair.

Let's focus on the band. When their song "love and affection" came out I liked it, a lot. Shortly there after, grunge came along to push Nelson back into the shadows. Just in time too, god knows what kind of "lifestyle" I might be enjoying had Nelson become a staple of my CD collection.

Here we are more than a decade after they disappeared into obscurity and I'll be damned if Nelson hasn't resurfaced. Click here. Yes, I know they appeared on VH1 not that long ago. Appearing on a network who's biggest star is Michael Ian Black doesn't count as a comeback.

If Nelson can find a reason to perform again maybe we'll see the reemergence of other early 90s flash in the pan rockers. How about Radiohead, there song "creep" was pretty good, whatever became of them?

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Crossing the bounds of taste

BBC's Channel 4 is going to broadcast a documentary where an anatomist crucifies a real corpse. While the concept is both gross and educational it got me thinking about other uses for a corpse.

Here are mine.

1. Carpool access, duh.
2. Body boarding. Literally.
3. English guard replacement. There only job is to stand still. Surely a corpse could handle that.
4. Totally wicked guitar stand. Pose the corpse so that he/she gently cradles the guitar. Iron Maiden would love a couple of these.
5. Mannequin replacement. We have a hard enough time maintaining a realistic body image these days. Ultra thin mannequins don't help the situation. I suggest we replace them with actual corpses. The fat trucker who died of a heart attack won't send anyone into a shame spiral.
6. Ridiculously elaborate paper weight. The best things usually take a long time to make. How about a paper weight that was in development for 65 years. Tag line "A lifetime in the making"
7. Replacement for Ben Affleck. Most corpses would be a step up in the acting department.
8. Pet. If you're concerned that your child can't handle the responsibility of a cat or a hamster why not get them a corpse. You know they won't kill it.
9. Life changer. Step 1: put corpse in driver's seat of your car. Step 2: light car on fire. Step 3: Flea the scene in search of a new, more exciting life.
10. Human. The other, other white meat.

Those are my ideas. Feel free to post your own.