Crossing the bounds of taste
BBC's Channel 4 is going to broadcast a documentary where an anatomist crucifies a real corpse. While the concept is both gross and educational it got me thinking about other uses for a corpse.
Here are mine.
1. Carpool access, duh.
2. Body boarding. Literally.
3. English guard replacement. There only job is to stand still. Surely a corpse could handle that.
4. Totally wicked guitar stand. Pose the corpse so that he/she gently cradles the guitar. Iron Maiden would love a couple of these.
5. Mannequin replacement. We have a hard enough time maintaining a realistic body image these days. Ultra thin mannequins don't help the situation. I suggest we replace them with actual corpses. The fat trucker who died of a heart attack won't send anyone into a shame spiral.
6. Ridiculously elaborate paper weight. The best things usually take a long time to make. How about a paper weight that was in development for 65 years. Tag line "A lifetime in the making"
7. Replacement for Ben Affleck. Most corpses would be a step up in the acting department.
8. Pet. If you're concerned that your child can't handle the responsibility of a cat or a hamster why not get them a corpse. You know they won't kill it.
9. Life changer. Step 1: put corpse in driver's seat of your car. Step 2: light car on fire. Step 3: Flea the scene in search of a new, more exciting life.
10. Human. The other, other white meat.
Those are my ideas. Feel free to post your own.
posted by Micah at 6:45 PM
3 Comments:
1. Target practice.
2. Hat tree.
3. Crucial prop for the "My Very Own Weekend at Bernie's Game!"
4. Drapes.
5. Chaperone for a date with a goth chick.
6. Sky-diving partner (because sky diving is insane, and the only person you'll get to go along with you is a corpse).
7. Bar wingman (because next to a dead guy, you're looking pretty hot).
8. Mummification practice.
9. Worst high-school guidance counselor ever!
10. More agreeable and better smelling Hudson.
Hah!
Craig,
You sir, are a formidable opponent. I'll see your 10 and raise you 1.
1. Stand-in when visiting grandparents.
2. Construction material for modular home projects in developing countries. Many bodies available. Harnesses the bodies natural "interlocking" properties.
3. Disposable raft.
4. Bait. Gonna catch the big one.
5. Street performer. "That new gold painted motionless guy is AWESOME!!!"
6. Doctor. (1st. Do no harm)
7. Replacement for Alan Colmes.
8. Novelty at the bottom of the world's largest bottle of tequila.
9. Unkillable spouse for O.J.
10. Point of contrast when wife accuses you of being cold and unfeeling.
11. L.A. Intersection cop. Less money, just as effective.
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