Licky Boom Boom Found!

By now I'm sure you've heard the news that a terror plot to blow up the Sears Tower in Chicago was foiled by the FBI. Thanks to the FBI for giving me a reason to describe something as "foiled". It always reminds me of Batman's approach to law enforcement in the 60's. The government could learn a lot about how to fight crime with style from Adam West.

However, I am concerned about the media's coverage of this story. The news channels have made repeated mention of the FBI's use of an informer to crack the case. Problem 1: The media is revealing the FBI's tactics to the enemies of America. Problem 2: I can't get the song Informer out of my head. With most of my brain power still devoted to the season 2 finale of Lost, there's precious little resources left to determine whether or not Daddy Snow really did stab someone down the lane.

With my mind so easily distracted perhaps a new approach to journalism is in order. Here's how the Libertastic Legitimate News Channel will one day dispense the news. Every story will fall into one of two categories. #1: Everything is Super!!! #2: You'll likely be killed. As news rolls in to the LLNC studios we'll keep a running total. "Lions escape zoo, that's a #2; Terrorists nabbed in sting, that's a #1". News reports will consist of the day's tally dished out in a super concise 15 seconds.

The advantages to this approach are obvious. No more useless "information" to cloud the audiences mind. No more expensive anchors (throw the janitor on camera for all I care, it's only 15 seconds). Most importantly, more space available for commercials. The steamroller that is the Bush economy can only continue if we all do our parts and buy, buy, buy. I'll do my duty by buying an Xbox 360 despite some luke warm reviews. If I must endure detailed news coverage it better reach me via 5.1 surround sound and digitally rendered, photo realistic graphics. Did you know we're having some problems with the Germans?

Living in the Now

Recently Vice President Dick Cheney was forced to defend a statement he made a year ago describing the Iraqi insurgency as being "in its final throes". Who cares what he said a year ago, that is SO last year. I don't care that at this time in 2005 Fat Joe "Got it Poppin" at number 31 on the Billboard chart. I care that in 2006 Fat Joe has downsized from fat to mearly husky,losing 80 pounds after being inspired by an episode of Oprah. Husky Joe they'll call him.

We're Americans, we don't look back. We boldly step forward regardless of what happened in the past. Look at me. I'm moving forward with this blog entry despite ruining it's flow with a superfluous Fat Joe reference in the previous paragraph. Am I worried? No. Dwelling on the earlier parts of this post would only make it harder for me to enjoy this. Go ahead and click it. I'll wait.

See, wasn't that worth it. A big steaming pile of adorable. If you'd been overwhelmed with the poor structure of this blog you might not have clicked through to the picture. What a waste. In the same way, we shouldn't be distracted by the past. It only keeps us from enjoy the bounty this country has to offer. A bounty afforded us by our brave fighting men and women. One could even say that questioning any statement Dick Cheney made before this very instant is an offense to the hard work of our troops.

It's in that spirit that I suggest we spend less time dredging up the problems of our past and more time enjoying all that America presently offers. Live in the now, man. Our hippie parents would want it that way. And for everyone who's absolutely, dead set on skewering the Vice-President's character, don't look to the past. Keep your eyes firmly on the future. We all know another boner will come along shortly.

Humble Beginnings

Even as the mightiest oak tree starts as the smallest seed........it is a seed, right, not a pine cone or something. Anyway, something small becomes something big. This blog represents a small start for Colbertocrat.com. Just a few true believers writing blog entries and toying with Dreamweaver in a basement located in a secret underground compound somewhere in these wonderful United States.

Some might say we're leaches, suckling life giving plasma from the success of someone else's creativity. Those people are right. For a positive spin we like to pull out the old cliche about immitation and flattery. Hell, if PBS can devote a special to an Australian Pink Floyd cover band, surely we can carve out our own little bandwagoning niche.

As for you, the reader, please visit our Colbertocrat Petition Page. Let's change America the Colbertocrat way, by asking Stephen Colbert to do it for us.