Distraction

What is a Theory? According to http://wordnet.princeton.edu/, (the most scholastically intimidating web address I've ever seen) a theory is a well-substantiated explanation of some aspect of the natural world. Why do I ask?

Recently, while scrolling through the topics on the Colbertnation.com message boards, I came across a thread that said the 9/11 attacks were an "inside job". I won't take the time to debate the validity of the concept here, that's for you to do by yourself in your mom's basement wearing your tinfoil hat. I will, however, offer a counterpoint to the broader issue of conspiracy theories.

If you look into a bowl of alphabits cereal and see a U.N. plot to bring about the new world order, please, share your thoughts with the world, preferably via the Internet. You've got the kind of wild eyed creativity that will keep the rest of society entertained while it toils away in a cubicle for 8 hours. What you don't have is the "well substantiated explanation" necessary to call your thoughts an actual theory. You can feel good knowing you've boosted morale for productive citizens everywhere. What you can't do is feel like you're solving any problems.

Think about it like this. When has the world lacked for things to worry about. In just my lifetime we've endured the threat of nuclear destruction, terrorism at home and abroad, genocide, and the rise and fall of Chumbawamba. Adding worry about alien cover ups, vast government conspiracies or plots involving The Rand Corporation and reverse vampires only serves to distract us from finding real solutions to real problems.

For the sake of the employable masses, show off those grainy photographs and upload those shaky videos to Utube. Circulate the email you got from the friend of your cousin who was totally there when Dick Cheney morphed into a killer raccoon. Just don't think you're making a difference. Mel Gibson's Jew run Shadow Government wouldn't let you anyway.